SOFT GIRL ERA

So lately I've been feeling depressed 😔 due to being burnt out by daily life. Motherhood, career choices, trying to stay spiritually disciplined.  All has me stressed out & going back to old ways to find release. When in reality every time I backslide I undo the progress I've made thus far in my healing journey. That's NOT how I want life to be for me & this recent manic episode just shunned light to my ongoing issue. Now that I've acknowledged & made myself aware of the problem I can accept the next steps in fixing myself for the better. My anger for 1 is a HUGE part of my downward spirals. If things don't go my way I get upset easily! I know LIFE isn't on our terms at all but 1 can't help but to think about it constantly 😕 I've learned the more I read my Bible & study sometimes life is simplified for you. Most of the time if not all the time I don't want to submit or surrender what I have to the unknown of what GOD has to be honest. We should have FAITH & TRUST that what GOD has in store is better than anything we can ever imagine. 1 of my fears is that I wouldn't like what GOD wants me to have lol so shallow & stupid to think but my mind goes there! So then I start to say it's my mental health issues getting the best of me for thinking such asinine thoughts. It's hard when you want to relax some days but on those days the enemy makes you feel you're not doing enough in life. "You're behind" "Why rest"? You can sleep when you die type lies he fills my vessel up with then I revert back to week long binges or depression, marijuana comas, sex with my toxic ex, etc 
Once I come out of this binge for a week & assess the financial damage I did the cycle continues & I'm in this funky grey mood until I'm back to feeling good again. I'm over it seriously but can't seem to stop myself. What if I don't like this new version of myself merging from my brokenness? Will I succeed in this new chapter of life? Stepping into the unknown always scared me in my younger days but I did it anyways! Now I'm a mother & EVERY move is crucial for life. 

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